Makes sense--and I know nothing about The SouthWestern Company or that you had had a "large" bad experience of this type other than DahnHak. (You never told me about that one that I remember.) I've always felt guilty for ever mentioning DahnHak to you. Glad to know it's not my judgment you are doubting per se.
Something to think about for you (I don't know if it fits, but I experienced some of this--so just food for thought): if you go into these things looking to fit in and be accepted by the other participants (or teachers, or whoever), instead of going in looking for what the program has to offer--then when you realize that the program is not exactly right for you and you leave it (or even begin just to express doubt about it being right for you), then it will hurt A LOT that the people no longer are really interested in you and may start seemingly rejecting you (because, it seems that usually people tend to really be into other people who are into the same things they are). In other words--if you are looking for a place to "fit in", but this place is not a good fit--the old stuff about not fitting in comes up and hurts again. At least that is what has happened for me before. The main reason I never got hurt as bad as you apparently did is that I never fully wanted to fit in (take the example of me not conforming in DahnHak by wearing a uniform to class--I rebelled in lots of ways like that). I have taken on the image of myself as "rebel" or "outcast" and decided that THAT fits me, and therefore I EXPECT to be rejected by people no matter what I am doing. Perhaps (this is only a guess) you still want to find a place where you truly CAN fit in--so it's really painful when you are honest with yourself and realize that you don't.
Here is another bit for you to chew on: many many people don't fit in as much as they seem to--they just aren't being honest with others (or very likely themselves)--they want to fit in so bad that they will "pretend" like they do (go with the flow, jump on the bandwagon, act like everyone else is acting, etc.) I know about myself that I don't do that. I will not pretend I got something, agree with something, etc just so that I can "be like everyone else". That feels fake to me and I'd rather be different than feel fake. That's how I could go to something like DahnHak's Healing Chakra class and be crying and upset at the end (thinking I had missed something--because "look at the evidence"--everyone else is happy and "got something"). It has taken me a LONG time to realize that it is VERY likely that there were other people in that same room who were very upset on the inside but afraid to show it because someone would judge them (or whatever.)
I know this is a long comment!! Just know that as I was writing it it was really helping me and clarifying things FOR ME! *LOL* So I don't know if any of this applies in your life or was helpful to you--but thanks for the chance to work some of my own stuff out in your journal! I really do hope that you get connected in they way that works best for you. ~HUGS~
Re: interesting
Something to think about for you (I don't know if it fits, but I experienced some of this--so just food for thought): if you go into these things looking to fit in and be accepted by the other participants (or teachers, or whoever), instead of going in looking for what the program has to offer--then when you realize that the program is not exactly right for you and you leave it (or even begin just to express doubt about it being right for you), then it will hurt A LOT that the people no longer are really interested in you and may start seemingly rejecting you (because, it seems that usually people tend to really be into other people who are into the same things they are). In other words--if you are looking for a place to "fit in", but this place is not a good fit--the old stuff about not fitting in comes up and hurts again. At least that is what has happened for me before. The main reason I never got hurt as bad as you apparently did is that I never fully wanted to fit in (take the example of me not conforming in DahnHak by wearing a uniform to class--I rebelled in lots of ways like that). I have taken on the image of myself as "rebel" or "outcast" and decided that THAT fits me, and therefore I EXPECT to be rejected by people no matter what I am doing. Perhaps (this is only a guess) you still want to find a place where you truly CAN fit in--so it's really painful when you are honest with yourself and realize that you don't.
Here is another bit for you to chew on: many many people don't fit in as much as they seem to--they just aren't being honest with others (or very likely themselves)--they want to fit in so bad that they will "pretend" like they do (go with the flow, jump on the bandwagon, act like everyone else is acting, etc.) I know about myself that I don't do that. I will not pretend I got something, agree with something, etc just so that I can "be like everyone else". That feels fake to me and I'd rather be different than feel fake. That's how I could go to something like DahnHak's Healing Chakra class and be crying and upset at the end (thinking I had missed something--because "look at the evidence"--everyone else is happy and "got something"). It has taken me a LONG time to realize that it is VERY likely that there were other people in that same room who were very upset on the inside but afraid to show it because someone would judge them (or whatever.)
I know this is a long comment!! Just know that as I was writing it it was really helping me and clarifying things FOR ME! *LOL* So I don't know if any of this applies in your life or was helpful to you--but thanks for the chance to work some of my own stuff out in your journal!
I really do hope that you get connected in they way that works best for you.
~HUGS~