Recent Revelations

[tcepsa]

I deserve friends who like me for me.

Seems like it'd be obvious, doesn't it? Regardless, it isn't. Or at least hasn't been; I had it pointed out to me last week by way of an extremely well-placed clue-by-four strike. Along with a few other corollary-type things, which are what really matter.

It's kind of like the phrase, "I love you." It's really easy, at least for me, to write that off as "Oh, this person has some kind of deep feelings of goodwill towards me," and just leave it at that without looking at any of the deeper things that that statement can imply, such as

• I really enjoy being around you
• I like talking with you
• I'm here for you if you're having a bad day
• I want to see you grow
• I want to help you grow
• I support you following your dreams and passions
• I want you to be happy and fulfilled
• I want those things for you even if it means that our paths don't stay this close

Similarly, I find myself realizing that I haven't really given much thought to what it looks like for someone to like me for me. It was just some kind of nebulous, abstract Ideal--and I don't think I even believed that anyone did. I told myself on the surface that they did, or why else would they spend time with me? But deeper down, I think I mostly believed that they liked me for my masks; for who I was when I was around them, or for what I'd give them or do for them. And then I started meeting people who, for whatever reason, it felt like they could see past the masks. Maybe I was letting the masks slip. Maybe these other people were just that perceptive. Maybe it was just coincidence because they happened to like things that I liked, and were passionate about it. ~smile~ Some of them deliberately lifted the masks up to peer underneath... and, to my astonishment, didn't promptly vanish from my life. They liked what they found there. And wow is that ever a weird feeling! Sort of.

In some ways it isn't a weird feeling at all. I've been in this position before, of knowing that there were people who liked me for who I am... of being able to share certain extremely deep parts of myself like that. The masks are still there, now, partially; there are still certain extremely deep parts of myself that I don't share, even with them. Yet. But it feels like it might get to the point where I will. And even if I don't share those parts with them, they will know about them; I feel like I won't have to hide them.

And that, I think, is the essence of what it means to have people who like me for me: it isn't that I share/do/whatever everything with them, it's that I don't have to hide anything from them.

Comments

Werd....

[elkor.livejournal.com]

And that, I think, is the essence of what it means to have people who like me for me: it isn't that I share/do/whatever everything with them, it's that I don't have to hide anything from them.

For the record, I like you.

[sharrainchains.livejournal.com]

You do deserve friends who like you for you. And I think that you may know far more people who do see past the masks, have an idea of who you really are, and care for you. Our lives don't really intersect much, but I like you.

[janeoftrades.livejournal.com]

I like you.

A trick I use when I know I'm not getting all of the import of "I love you" is to ask "why". Some people will balk, others will sit and think a bit and then respond with particulars, which are helpful in battling the demons of "well, that's what they're supposed to say" or other nastiness. ;)

Questions will get you answers... but you have to ask them. *rueful grin*

[lolabrandywine.livejournal.com]

makes me think of a photograph by my favorite surrealist artist, Claude Cahun:


autoportrait de 1928

[tcepsa.livejournal.com]

Is it a bad sign when art by a surrealist doesn't seam surreal? ~wry~

[lolabrandywine.livejournal.com]

actually, I'm vaguely of the opinion that surrealism is a misnomer. the surrealist aim was more to expose reality, and most importantly the self, than to show anything fantastic or bizarre. the better definition of surreal to apply here is "dreamlike" because the surrealists very often portrayed their dreams in their art, believing that dreams are a window into the subconscious and thus the true self. Claude Cahun, for example, dreamt of herself wearing masks and, if I'm not mistaken, that the masks eventually fused to her skin. I think the dream continued that she tried to take off the masks and ended up stripping off all of her exterior until there was nothing left. but I should really check my sources before I assert any of that. in any case, it's an example of a dream revealing an intimate truth that happens to be quite fantastic, which she then translated into photography.