Brain Hacking

[tcepsa]

Have been doing a lot of work in the way of attempted brain hacking lately. ~wry~ It is frustrating when it feels like it isn't sticking, but it helps to remind myself that these behaviors and views that I am trying to now change have had years and years of development, cultivation, and reinforcement.

One big realization that I don't think had really sunk in earlier: I've been feeling lonely and disconnected and overwhelmed for the past few months, and it seems to be getting worse. Well, let's see, what changed about the time that this started? Oh! I pulled up and made the biggest move that I have made in the past four years of living on this coast!

Granted, there were five other moves in there, but they were all in the DC region (Adams Morgan to Bethesda to Alexandria to Woodbridge to Annandale to Springfield) and for the furthest one out, Woodbridge, I moved in with friends. I had assumed that, especially since I'm practically on I-95, that I would still be in what my brain thinks of as the DC area.

I was wrong.

I am apparently, for my brain's intents and purposes, NOT in the DC region anymore. I'm also in a neighborhood with a demographic that I'm not used to, and I am living on my own for the first time since Alexandria, sooo... about two years... and I'm in a house that I own now for the first time ever.

No wonder I'm feeling uprooted. I am uprooted! So for now, I am endeavoring to be patient with myself, and remind myself that it will pass, and that I am doing things that will help with re-establishing human contact (like going to coffee with fellow geeks on Tuesdays). I know some people in Baltimore, too, but at the same time that's apparently a little outside my pain threshold for driving, at least on a regular basis. (I got burned out on that for the three months that I was living with a friend just southeast of the JHU Homewood Campus while I was working at APL and house hunting, but maybe that will heal a bit more with time).

Looking at it from that perspective, things are actually coming along reasonably well. That doesn't always shut the brainloops up, but it is something that helps.

The house is also nearing a state of my being comfortable with inviting people over. I think part of me is scared that nobody will want to come, or is just assuming that it'd be too far of a drive from the DC area for anyone to want to bother (I suspect, more specifically, that it is a part of my self-esteem ~wry~) but I've had one person mention a few times that he'd have come up if I'd have given him more notice, and another mention that I should invite his family up for gaming sometime, so that fear doesn't really have much of a leg to stand on. Not that that shuts it up; it apparently has the ability to levitate, but at least it is a little less scary that way ^_^

~smile~ And to paraphrase something that some awesome people have told me: If I ask for something, it is a lot more likely that I'll receive it.

Comments

[divinerose.livejournal.com]

With notice I'll be there! You know why I go out of town on the weekends and stuff, and it's not always under my control, but with notice it is a LOT more likely I can come! And I totally want to come hang out with you. :)

[reedrover]

I have no idea which direction of Baltimore you are once I head up I-95, but I'm game to try it sometime when you feel like having an invasion into your new cave.

Make an invite....

[elkor.livejournal.com]

but I've had one person mention a few times that he'd have come up if I'd have given him more notice,

I'm still waiting for you to figure out when your housewarming is going to be.

Or a Game Day.

You're not that that far from me. Only about 10 minutes further than I drive for Bridge once a month.

True, you're a little too far for a random drive up, but not insanely far.

interesting

[judyisis.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about you since yesterday, and here you give me this opening to tell you what I wanted to tell you anyway.
I attended most (I wasn't able to finish) of a seminar this past weekend that I think might serve you well given what I know about you and what you are saying here. I can pretty much attest to the fact that they were doing some "brain hacking" (as you put it) there. I got some great insights into myself and some tools for living I didn't have before from the part that I did make it through, and it is very likely that I will try again at some point and be able to get the full intended benefit of the class by going again (and finishing!).
The seminar was called The Landmark Forum, and it is the beginning point in the education offered by Landmark Education. (If you've never heard of them: www.landmarkeducation.com is the main page)
There are free events at the centers (which are all over the world) that introduce the Forum. Here is a link to intros coming up in the DC area:
http://www.landmarkeducation.com/event_search_results.jsp?top=23
And there is also an online video intro on the page that tells about the Forum here:
http://www.landmarkeducation.com/landmark_forum.jsp

If it interests you--call the center. The people there that answer the phone can tell you about it and what they got out of it. See what you think at a free intro night. Try it if you think it might be something you are looking for.

Good luck and I hope that you get settled and comfortable soon.

Re: interesting

[judyisis.livejournal.com]

if the search doesn't show the proper results (it didn't when I followed the link I posted above to check)--search by the category "Special Introductions to The Landmark Forum")

[insegnante.livejournal.com]

I've seen your place. You have an awesome place!
I'd like to find a place like that.

Especially for gaming!

[coie.livejournal.com]

well, Dave and I had been talking about wanting to see you. So since you put this out there, we were wondering if we could invite ourselves up for a couple days.... drive up on the afternoon of Friday Feb 8 and home on Sunday morning Feb 10 perhaps? If you have other plans or whatever that's fine but we're randomly free that weekend so ^_^