tcepsa | Synthesizing Meaning For Myself (Reply)

Dar Williams continues to rampage through my head, but fortunately this is apparently one of those rare brainworms that actually has something useful to say. (I suspect that it doesn't help that I finally hooked up the remaining 2 of my surround sound speakers for my computer last night just so that I could get the full-immersion effect, but there are some songs where I just want to soak in them like that...)

And then I got a link to

yuki_onna's post here and

matociquala's post here and

geekchick's post here from my fiancee,

gipsieee, and that thread all clicked together with the switch in Are You Out There from the fragment that I posted yesterday:

And when I turned your station on
You sounded more familiar than that party was
You were more familiar than that party

and this subsequent chunk of the song:

So tonight I turned your station on
Just so I'd be understood
Instead another voice said I was just too late
And just no good....

It feels incredibly relevant to what all three of those other entries talk about, with wanting something but being afraid to ask for it, or being afraid to even admit to wanting it, and developing coping strategies to protect ourselves from the pain that we perceive as accompanying those things. Those two song fragments are a perfect example of the sort of thing that causes us to build those walls: we find something that we can identify with, a source of support and familiarity, and all we have to do is reach out and ask for it... and then one day we reach out and it's gone, with no explanation, no forwarding address, replaced by a chastising reprimand. Faced with that, it is no surprise to me that we rapidly learn not to ask for things unless we absolutely desperately have to...

And though the static walls surround me
I am out here, can you find me?
I am out here listening all the time...