Snickers, you Fail. {Pointless and futile grammatical ranting at Mars, Incorporated}

[tcepsa]

One of the ways that Snickers is currently advertising is through the use of made up words. The one I got on my Snickers bar today was:

Substantialiscious \sub-'stan(t)-shu-'li-shus\ (noun). The weight of something when you weigh it with your tongue.

First off, what kind of a sentence is that for a definition? No self-respecting dictionary (except possibly urban dictionaries) uses the second person voice. Secondly, a noun? WTF? Weight is a noun. As in, you can say "What is the weight of that thing?" Try saying "What is the substantialicious of that thing?" and it sounds ridiculous. Why? Because words that end in "ious" are adjectives!

Allow me to close with another example of why that word should not be a noun:

My brain hates your stupid definition even as my tongue savors your substantialiscious.

[PS I blame the sleep deprivation]