Flip Flopping
Oct. 20th, 2004 02:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tcepsaNo, this isn't really about politics, but I figured putting it that way would get your attention ;)
This is actually about the general stigma that society has placed on changing your mind. It's yet another conflicting message that society sends: "Go out! Try new things! Be yourself!" it encourages us, laughing gaily and frolicking about, and then turning on us with a large, loaded weapon, "But if you try something and say you like it, don't even think about saying that you'd rather not do it later..."
Maybe this is just my own impression, but I seem to encounter that sort of situation quite a bit--especially the second part. One of my friends seems to be a good example of this. I'll be over at his place for dinner, and he'll cook up a huge plate of food for me. He's a good cook, and I like what he makes and tell him so, but when I only manage to eat about half of what he's served me he looks at me and says, "What, didn't you like it?" Or he'll tell me that a certain show will be on soon and would I like to hang out with him and watch it, and I say I don't really feel like it right now but perhaps some other time, his response is, "But you love that show!" Sure I do! It might be one of my favorite series (e.g. Stargate Atlantis) but that doesn't mean I wouldn't rather be doing other things or hadn't already made plans. Yet the way he says it, it sounds like I've violated some primary universal law and betrayed the very nature of my being. I'll catch it some other time, okay? Or maybe not. I've gone without it since the end of the summer season, and I don't seem to be suffering any ill effects. Yes I'm curious about how they're going to get out of their predicament, but seriously, if I never find out, I'm pretty sure I'll still be able to live a happy life. Since that's my goal, I don't understand what the problem is.
I've wandered a bit; the point I wanted to make was that a lot of people seem to be afraid to try new things or explore their interests because they are afraid they might get caught in such a trap. What if they discover they don't like it as much as they thought they would? For me, the reason I don't try more things is because I have a tendency, if I don't enjoy it or if I'm not comfortable with it, to think, "Oh I thought I wanted this/was okay with this but now I don't, but I feel like I am in too far to change my mind or back out or quit now."
To me, it seems like that should be an acceptable thing to say. "Hey, thank you for letting me explore this with you, but I've discovered that it's really not my thing right now. Nothing against you, nothing against me, I just don't find it all that enjoyable at this point in my life." It promotes self-awareness and honesty (it's much easier to try something new to see whether I like it if I feel that it is okay for me to decide that, after some experimentation, it's not for me)--but in this culture, it's interesting that it seems that something that I see as flexibility and adaptation is viewed as unreliability and treated as a weakness or a disgrace.
Happily, recent events in my life have led me to suspect that I am not the only one that has that view ^_^
And with that, here's a closing thought, "Yuck! Tiggers don't like hunny!"
This is actually about the general stigma that society has placed on changing your mind. It's yet another conflicting message that society sends: "Go out! Try new things! Be yourself!" it encourages us, laughing gaily and frolicking about, and then turning on us with a large, loaded weapon, "But if you try something and say you like it, don't even think about saying that you'd rather not do it later..."
Maybe this is just my own impression, but I seem to encounter that sort of situation quite a bit--especially the second part. One of my friends seems to be a good example of this. I'll be over at his place for dinner, and he'll cook up a huge plate of food for me. He's a good cook, and I like what he makes and tell him so, but when I only manage to eat about half of what he's served me he looks at me and says, "What, didn't you like it?" Or he'll tell me that a certain show will be on soon and would I like to hang out with him and watch it, and I say I don't really feel like it right now but perhaps some other time, his response is, "But you love that show!" Sure I do! It might be one of my favorite series (e.g. Stargate Atlantis) but that doesn't mean I wouldn't rather be doing other things or hadn't already made plans. Yet the way he says it, it sounds like I've violated some primary universal law and betrayed the very nature of my being. I'll catch it some other time, okay? Or maybe not. I've gone without it since the end of the summer season, and I don't seem to be suffering any ill effects. Yes I'm curious about how they're going to get out of their predicament, but seriously, if I never find out, I'm pretty sure I'll still be able to live a happy life. Since that's my goal, I don't understand what the problem is.
I've wandered a bit; the point I wanted to make was that a lot of people seem to be afraid to try new things or explore their interests because they are afraid they might get caught in such a trap. What if they discover they don't like it as much as they thought they would? For me, the reason I don't try more things is because I have a tendency, if I don't enjoy it or if I'm not comfortable with it, to think, "Oh I thought I wanted this/was okay with this but now I don't, but I feel like I am in too far to change my mind or back out or quit now."
To me, it seems like that should be an acceptable thing to say. "Hey, thank you for letting me explore this with you, but I've discovered that it's really not my thing right now. Nothing against you, nothing against me, I just don't find it all that enjoyable at this point in my life." It promotes self-awareness and honesty (it's much easier to try something new to see whether I like it if I feel that it is okay for me to decide that, after some experimentation, it's not for me)--but in this culture, it's interesting that it seems that something that I see as flexibility and adaptation is viewed as unreliability and treated as a weakness or a disgrace.
Happily, recent events in my life have led me to suspect that I am not the only one that has that view ^_^
And with that, here's a closing thought, "Yuck! Tiggers don't like hunny!"
