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tcepsaStill in Chicago (I fly out tomorrow and get back tomorrow night) and enjoying it immensely. So far today I have done nothing that I consider extremely productive. Which is kind of funny, because I've been doing quite a bit. I hiked around the campus. I went to the bookstore and picked up one of those book/CD sets for languages to help me learn Gaelic (scrounging about on the net just wasn't working out for me) and then went across campus to the other bookstore to get batteries for my CD player and The Fabric of the Universe by Brian Greene on CD (recommended by the prof who taught the class on Our Preposterous Universe yesterday, and I'd been curious about it already so that gave me the extra little bit of motivation that I needed ;) and then went back to my sister's place and actually studied the Gaelic--let's hope this is something I'll be able to sustain ;)--and then read The Little Prince at her insistance. Also a very good story. Read it! After that I did some review of the pronunciation of Gaelic (it's tricky stuff, but I can remember that "tion" doesn't sound anything like "tie-on" in English and I do okay with that, so I figure I'll manage all right once I get a better feel for the rules ;)
Now we're down in the computer lab and I've been reading webcomics and blog-stal--er, perusing--and all in all it has been a very relaxing, restful day.
At the same time, it feels like it has been a waste, which really irritates me because, dammit, I want to have a guilt-free day all to myself once in awhile. Guess I'll just have to practice more, because, wow this is fun :-) However, there's still that little voice going, "You lazy bum! Sitting around all day enjoying yourself when there's all this stuff you should be doing--you're not going to amount to much if you keep this up, you know..." and other dire threats. Of course, the most interesting part of all of this, and the most frustrating, is why do I feel like I have to amount to something? What does it even mean to amount to something? It's as if that little part of me is chastising myself for failing to reach some goal without knowing what it is, where it is, or how to achieve it. But that part of me seems certain that having a good time is not the way to get there.
The supreme irony of this all is that I don't really want to amount to anything if it means that I can't enjoy days like this; I would much rather have a good time and not worry about it than spend every minute working towards some grandiose, if uncertain, goal.
I used to be able to enjoy my free time with no worries about how soon it would end or what I should be doing instead--I hadn't yet been taught that there was something else that I should have been doing. Now, though, I have had that lesson and it looks like it's going to take a good deal of leisure training for me to unlearn it.
Any advice/suggestions/stories are welcome ^_^
Now we're down in the computer lab and I've been reading webcomics and blog-stal--er, perusing--and all in all it has been a very relaxing, restful day.
At the same time, it feels like it has been a waste, which really irritates me because, dammit, I want to have a guilt-free day all to myself once in awhile. Guess I'll just have to practice more, because, wow this is fun :-) However, there's still that little voice going, "You lazy bum! Sitting around all day enjoying yourself when there's all this stuff you should be doing--you're not going to amount to much if you keep this up, you know..." and other dire threats. Of course, the most interesting part of all of this, and the most frustrating, is why do I feel like I have to amount to something? What does it even mean to amount to something? It's as if that little part of me is chastising myself for failing to reach some goal without knowing what it is, where it is, or how to achieve it. But that part of me seems certain that having a good time is not the way to get there.
The supreme irony of this all is that I don't really want to amount to anything if it means that I can't enjoy days like this; I would much rather have a good time and not worry about it than spend every minute working towards some grandiose, if uncertain, goal.
I used to be able to enjoy my free time with no worries about how soon it would end or what I should be doing instead--I hadn't yet been taught that there was something else that I should have been doing. Now, though, I have had that lesson and it looks like it's going to take a good deal of leisure training for me to unlearn it.
Any advice/suggestions/stories are welcome ^_^
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no subject
Date: 2004-10-24 05:37 pm (UTC)I'm pretty jealous tho! that's a fun thing to be learning.
I would be having guilt that I wasn't learning something more practical...like spanish.
Le Petit Prince est plus bien en francais ;)
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Date: 2004-10-24 06:11 pm (UTC)