Answer Number Two!
Mar. 8th, 2007 10:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tcepsa"Spending time around you, you always seem so calm and centered. How do you do that (or how do you project that) so well?"
Since I see what's going on inside, the fact that I do this took me a long time to realize. It's still something of which I'm not normally aware. However, I've been told that by enough people now that I figure there's probably something to it even if I'm not usually conscious of it.
Part of it is because I've managed to get to a point in my life where I don't have a whole lot of attachments, and for the most part the attachments that I do have seem to be in places that are likely to be very stable, and I have contingency plans in place in case things fall through (for instance, I've got enough money set aside that if I lost my job tomorrow I could probably sit calmly in an interview two or three weeks from now and talk about my skills without being too distracted that I need to get a new job in order to pay bills, and I believe that I am good enough at what I do, and what I do is desired by enough companies, that I would be able to find a new position before that reserve ran out).
When I get stressed, I tend to shut down externally. I get very quiet (even more so than usual) and respond primarily only to direct questions (the amount that I tend to clam up is usually in rough proportion to how stressed I am feeling in a particular situation). When I am responding, my answers tend to be very short--especially if it's a spoken question (I find it much easier to interact through text-based media when I'm very stressed--apparently the part of my brain that shuts down regarding verbal communication isn't the same as the part that I use for reading/writing). However, someone who didn't know to look for this probably wouldn't notice much difference, leading them to think that I was unfazed by whatever was going on. I can see how that would make it look like I'm calm and centered to someone (unfortunately, it can also have the effect of making it look like I don't care or am not upset about what's happening).
To avoid having that sort of situation, I also try to have lots of preferences and be adaptable and see situations for the potential opportunities they offer instead of the hassle that they appear to be on the surface. Say I planned on going to a picnic with some friends at a park, but then it rained. We've got options! We could have an adventurous picnic in the rain, get a good hot blaze going in a firepit and cook the food and eat it after running around playing rain frisbee or something, and then drive home and take a nice long warm shower. Or we could all get together at someone's house and eat there and play games or something. I like doing all of those things, so regardless of what happens, I get something that I want. Sure it would be a little disappointing if everyone canceled, or if having a sunshiny picnic was something that I'd been very strongly looking forward to for a long time or I didn't have an opportunity to do very often, but even then I'd try to not think too much on what I missed out on, but instead focus on finding something else to do that I'd enjoy.
Along those same lines, I'm usually doing something that on some level I have found some way to enjoy (spoonful of sugar and all that ;) and that acts kind of like a balance point for me, something that I can focus on and center myself around.
March is Question and Answer Month--if you'd like, you can ask me questions here and I'll answer one per day.
Since I see what's going on inside, the fact that I do this took me a long time to realize. It's still something of which I'm not normally aware. However, I've been told that by enough people now that I figure there's probably something to it even if I'm not usually conscious of it.
Part of it is because I've managed to get to a point in my life where I don't have a whole lot of attachments, and for the most part the attachments that I do have seem to be in places that are likely to be very stable, and I have contingency plans in place in case things fall through (for instance, I've got enough money set aside that if I lost my job tomorrow I could probably sit calmly in an interview two or three weeks from now and talk about my skills without being too distracted that I need to get a new job in order to pay bills, and I believe that I am good enough at what I do, and what I do is desired by enough companies, that I would be able to find a new position before that reserve ran out).
When I get stressed, I tend to shut down externally. I get very quiet (even more so than usual) and respond primarily only to direct questions (the amount that I tend to clam up is usually in rough proportion to how stressed I am feeling in a particular situation). When I am responding, my answers tend to be very short--especially if it's a spoken question (I find it much easier to interact through text-based media when I'm very stressed--apparently the part of my brain that shuts down regarding verbal communication isn't the same as the part that I use for reading/writing). However, someone who didn't know to look for this probably wouldn't notice much difference, leading them to think that I was unfazed by whatever was going on. I can see how that would make it look like I'm calm and centered to someone (unfortunately, it can also have the effect of making it look like I don't care or am not upset about what's happening).
To avoid having that sort of situation, I also try to have lots of preferences and be adaptable and see situations for the potential opportunities they offer instead of the hassle that they appear to be on the surface. Say I planned on going to a picnic with some friends at a park, but then it rained. We've got options! We could have an adventurous picnic in the rain, get a good hot blaze going in a firepit and cook the food and eat it after running around playing rain frisbee or something, and then drive home and take a nice long warm shower. Or we could all get together at someone's house and eat there and play games or something. I like doing all of those things, so regardless of what happens, I get something that I want. Sure it would be a little disappointing if everyone canceled, or if having a sunshiny picnic was something that I'd been very strongly looking forward to for a long time or I didn't have an opportunity to do very often, but even then I'd try to not think too much on what I missed out on, but instead focus on finding something else to do that I'd enjoy.
Along those same lines, I'm usually doing something that on some level I have found some way to enjoy (spoonful of sugar and all that ;) and that acts kind of like a balance point for me, something that I can focus on and center myself around.
March is Question and Answer Month--if you'd like, you can ask me questions here and I'll answer one per day.
