Why do I even bother trying to talk?

[tcepsa]

I've never been able to address it because the entire tangled mess of trying to deconstruct their prejudice, societal stereotypes, and my own ignorance would tangle in my throat and render me mute.
--dolphin__girl, A moment of contemplation

I've been reading the entry and it has been good and raised several important points for me to think about this, but that's the first thing that has made me go "whoa, I need to stop and write this down." And I'm a little bit unsettled that it's about communication in general rather than the specific topics of racism and privilege and stereotyping and privilege that she is talking about. At the same time, though, I think a huge number of the challenges that we face in these areas are deeply rooted in communication and difficulties therewith.

Also, it's something that I often find myself stymied by--admittedly not in the areas that she is talking about, but in general. Very frequently, when I'm trying to talk about something that is important to me, I get a sense that there is a very vast context needed to make that thing's importance apparent, and I have no idea how to convey even a part of that context. And then I start to wonder how anybody manages to talk about anything! Do most people have a greater shared context with each other than I seem to have with them, thus negating the need to transmit such a large chunk of it when they want to talk about something? Or do they just not care? Do they even realize it (and to the cynics out there, I urge you to think hard about this one before choosing to believe they do not)? Have they come up with some other strategy for dealing with it that I haven't hit upon (or at least realized)? Is this why it seems like so many people's conversations are about the most banal of things--they realize they can't talk about anything significant, but they still want to pretend like they're communicating? Or am I in a minority thinking that those things are banal, and they really are communicating?

If you were here in my head, what I am about to say would make perfect sense to you. But you're not in my head. I know this, and I despair.

Comments

[coie.livejournal.com]

Now is where we get to the broader point of communication, and the reason why some critics think that ultimately this is nihilistic. Even though you and I were in the same group at the ISU freshman orientation, and although we went to the same events, we had different experiences. Everything that had happened to you up until that point in your life, all the books you read, the people you met, the video games you played influenced how you perceived those events. You experienced them in a different way then I did. Your structure is fundamentally different from mine. Or like my friend Louise and I joke, her experience of "cat" and my experience of "cat" are different. What she thinks of when she hears the word "cat" and what I think of are different. Its a different visual, emotional, physical memory. And of course both of us have flawed, or imperfect understandings of "cat". There is something essential that can't be captured. Therefore, in a fundamental way, when we talk about cats, we are not, nor can we ever, be talking about the same thing. However, society has set up a general meaning for the word cat, a structure by which we can pretend we are talking about the same thing, even though we are not. Now, if you take this to extremes, you can not communicate with anyone, ever, because you will never have a complete meeting of those contexts. There is no knowledge.

And I have to admit, when I initially started learning this stuff, that's how I felt. There seems to be no point in anything, because what is the point of a book or a game or what have you, if, fundamentally, you can not share that with anyone else? What is the point of a philosophy that denies our ability to communicate? But, the more I've played with the idea, the more I realized that most people do not understand that people have other experiences, which have led them to have other world views. The fact is that no word can be neutral. Everything has a meaning and a value and a history. And it is important to know where some of those things are, for yourself and for other people. In anthropology, for example, many books now have a whole chapter about the author, their life, and what they think got them to the point to which they were at the writing of the book. Why did they focus on those questions? How do they understand certain words, etc. And just like anything else, any time there is structure or order, it comes at the expense of something else. Therefore, although 99.9% of people may understand something one way, the odds are that someone understands it completely differently, and, for them, their way makes perfect sense. It may be a major topic, like race or sexuality, but it can also be something that seems perfectly ordinary and self explanatory.

"Derrida argues that, by understanding speech as thought, language "efaces itself." Language itself is forgotten. The signified meaning of speech is so immediately understood that it is easy to forget that there are linguistic signifiers involved - but these signifiers are the spoken sounds (phonemes) and written marks (graphemes) that actually comprise language."

People often forget to think that the very act of verbalizing has changed what it was they meant. The way the listeners understand those words can never be completely known. Now in and of itself, recognizing that you do not share a common framework does not solve a communication gap. But it does open up a place to start. And hopefully this makes sense, even though you can never perfectly understand me ;-)