Spinny!

Wow, it's incredible how the patterns that you make with your body can affect your brain. I've been playing with my poi and trying some new moves--very happy with some of the stuff that I'm learning to do :) I've managed to get the 180-degree turn down pretty well in both directions, and I did a fair amount of practice with the butterfly and trying to go from that to one behind the back and one in front, similar to this, only just getting from having them both in front to having on in back and then returning it to the front.

The upshot of this is that now I feel like I'm thinking sideways, so if this post is a little disjointed, I think that probably has something to do with it ;) It's a weird feeling, but I like it ^_^ Fun to give the brain a workout as well as the body, and trying to get these patterns down is a great way to do it. Most of the trouble I'm having isn't from lack of physical ability; it's from my brain believing it already knows what's going on. For example, to turn I have to break out of what my brain thinks it should do to make the turn work and move into the feeling of it, my body's position, my balance, the flow of the movement down my arms, into the poi, their pulling, gravity and their spinning forces, working our way to a compromise of how I want them to move versus how they want to move, my legs firm then gliding, sliding my feet over the carpet and suddenly I have my own spinning force too for a moment as they sail past I hope they don't hit me and abruptly I discover that we've all agreed they'll go in the other direction for awhile now...

And once that set way of thinking has been gotten out of, the new pattern apparently seeps into other things as well. It's a very interesting experience ^_^

Self Repairs (Intro)

Here I am, sitting in front of a computer screen. Back when I started this, that's pretty much all there was. Me and a computer screen, writing for fun, for the hell of it, for whatever seemed right to write about at the time. I was just throwing my words into what I figured would be an obscure little journal in the corner of the Internet.

( *wry grin* How things change. )

Self Repairs (Main)

Recently, for reasons as yet unknown to me, I have started taking a much more active role in my life. Until very recently, I felt like I was sort of drifting. For a long time. Like, since somewhere in elementary or junior high school. Doing what I felt like I was supposed to do, or expected to do. Be a good boy. Get good grades. Go to college. Get good grades. Get a good, solid, reliable job that pays well and work until you retire. Take as few risks as possible. Stay between the lines.

Reminds me of a part of a song from the musical Into the Woods: "Mother said be good Father said be nice that was always their advice so be good Cinderella nice Cinderella nice good good nice. What's the good of being good if everyone is blind and you're always left behind? Never mind Cinderella kind Cinderella nice good nice kind good nice!"

Bottom line: Build your life around what other people think of you, whether they approve of you and what you're doing. ( I bought into it big time. )

( I've become very clear that my job is definitely something I am doing for someone else. )

( I'm also taking a close look at my relationships and making changes there. )

That's basically where I'm at right now. Trying to take an honest look at what I really want, things I really want to do, and then actually trying to figure out how to make them happen instead of sitting around saying "I wish I could do this," or "I'd love to try that but I can't because..." And trying to put my life together the way I want it.

That having been said, could someone please toss me the duct tape?