New Encoding

[tcepsa]

The art of helping someone to stop beating themselves up for a transgression that they believe they have committed against you.

Personally, I'd be very tempted to use the word "forgiveness" to express this concept, but I don't think that that's quite how most people use that word... or am I mistaken? If I say "Please forgive me," would you interpret that as "Please help me to stop beating myself up for doing this to you"? If you say, "I forgive you," do you mean, "Don't beat yourself up over it on my account"?

Comments

This is my opinion.

[elkor.livejournal.com]

Forgiveness is granted when a wrong has been committed.

Only the person who has been wronged can grant forgiveness.

If someone is beating themselves up over something that wasn't a transgression, then no forgiveness can be granted.

I believe the word you are looking for is absolve.

Re: This is my opinion.

[tcepsa.livejournal.com]

Hmm... yes, absolve does seem to fit at least a little better... while I think that it still doesn't quite capture the essence of what I'm looking for it is definitely closer, and it may just be my own personal definition that's out of whack.

[grum]

I believe I know at least one instance of which you speak and neither forgive nor absolve is quite the right verb for what was going on.

Teach might not be any closer, but if you triangulate between the three, you probably have something that most closely approximates the concept in question.

Yes, no?

[tcepsa.livejournal.com]

Brilliant catch--you're absolutely right! I believe that the teaching aspect is what was missing from the concepts of forgive and absolve as they stand now--that's definitely what was bugging me about the other two; they're a kind of "Okay, I forgive/absolve you, go back about your life!" Whereas it sounds like you're tracking with what I'm trying to express here, which is more involved on the part of the one doing the [...], in the way of helping the person receiving [...] understand.

Will continue to ponder this, but it seems like triangulating between the three of those is the closest thing yet--probably close enough for me ^_^